Sunday, May 4, 2008
arghh. this is horrible.
for the past two days i couldn't commit any geography notes to memory.
the wonderous marianne chong bible doesn't seem to like me.
it's slowly torturing me so that i could die tomorrow during the geog paper.
just realised that i've never known something called 'parental love'.
the words seem so unfamiliar.
maybe, when i was younger, i might have experienced it.
but ever since i can remember, there's no such thing in my life.
perhaps that's the reason why i couldn't care less about my family.
whenever i say bad things about my mother,
other people will be like, she's your mother after all, you should respect her.
to me, she's nothing more than a person who provides lodging, only.
my school fees, meals, or even allowance, are not by her.
just now she was pulling my hair and screaming stuffs ( which i didn't bother to hear),
and asking me to get out of the house since i don't like it here.
i was like, why not? you mean only now then you realised i can move out?
i had it all planned long ago. once secondary school is over, i'll move.
it's all just for convenience.
since you're not happy, i'm not happy, moving out is a win-win situation.
i couldn't understand why some people loves their families so much.
and being an orphan is rated as the second most terrifying thing by a child.
(for your info, failing exams is the first! xD)
i mean, it's like, so what?
i'll be super happy, or exhilerated by the thought if my mother could just die.
i've even dreamt about her funeral
and me giving a i-don't-give-a-damn-about-it attitude when relatives asked me to attend it.
to put it in a nicer way, i just hope somehow, someday,
she will see God's light and realise whatever she's been doing is totally wrong.
that even though she's trying to be a 'faithful buddhist', she really isn't acting like one.
the Lord will help her change her attitude and make her a better person.
i wouldn't especially pray for her, but if she does change, the world would be such a better place to live in.
actually come to think of it, it doesn't matter if she changes or not,
considering the fact that i'm not gonna see her anymore after i move out.
and the thought of this just makes me smile. (:
maybe i should count down the days to make it even more anticipating.
it is FINISHED @ 19:25
